Kill James Bond's SCUM ratings

The podcast Kill James Bond has a science-based rating system for rating the James Bond movies. Here are the SCUM ratings for them, collected from the ends of the podcasts. The ratings are "out of 007", higher being worse, with the maximum score in principle being 28.

Epi­sodeSmarmCul­tu­ral in­sen­si­ti­vityUn­pro­vo­ked vio­lenceMi­so­gy­nyTo­tal
1: Dr. No572317
2: From Rus­sia With Love352619
3: Gold­fin­ger726823
4: Thun­der­ball732720
5: You Only Live Twice582722
6: On Her Ma­jes­ty's Sec­ret Ser­vice21148
7: Dia­monds are For­ever465419
8: Live and Let Die795728
9: The Man With The Gol­den Gun564722
10: The Spy Who Loved Me536418
11: Moon­raker614617
12: For Your Eyes Only21418
13: Octo­pussy484723
14: Never Say Never Again451616
15: A View to a Kill11237
16: The Li­ving Day­ligh­ts354517
17: Li­cen­ce to Kill259521
18: Gol­den­Eye426618
19: To­mor­row Ne­ver Dies731314
20: The World Is Not En­ough724720
21: Die Ano­ther Day755522
23: Ca­si­no Ro­ya­le (1967)183618
24: Ca­si­no Ro­ya­le (2006)235515
25: Quan­tum of So­la­ce226515
26: Sky­fall341614
27: S­pec­tre422614
30: No Time To Die554721
31: The Bourne Ulti­matum12238
32: The Bourne Le­gacy134210
33: Bourne 5 (Jason Bourne)234413
Sean Connery
George Lazenby
Roger Moore
Timothy Dalton
Pierce Brosnan
Daniel Craig

From Russia With Love had a tech­nical prob­lem, and the ori­gi­nal re­cor­ding for the SCUM ra­tings was lost. The SCUM rating of 3+5+2+6=16 was given by Devon in the last 1½ minutes of the epi­sode, in an after­wards-recorded seg­ment. How­ever, in later episodes, From Russia With Love is referred to as having a score of 19, so something is off somewhere. (For example, in the Diamonds are Forever episode, at 1:26:50, a score of 19 is calculated for DAF, "equal to From Russia With Love".) On the KJB official site the scores here in the table above are given also, adding up to 16, but no total is mentioned.

In episode 22 (The Rock, 1996) a new scoring system, GIRTH, was introduced, and it's later used from episode 28 (The Bourne Identity) onwards, for non-Bond films. Sadly, it is then aban­doned in favor of SCUM; a decision I under­stand but don't agree with.

Epi­sodeGloryIn­tel­lec­tua­lismRes­pec­ting the troopsHe­te­ro­sex­ua­lityTo­tal
22: The Rock7273–419–20
28: The Bourne Iden­tity11226
29: The Bourne Sup­re­macy21317

Season 2SmarmCul­tu­ral in­sen­si­ti­vityUn­pro­vo­ked vio­lenceMi­so­gy­nyTo­tal
1: Syriana13239
2: Breach32049
3: Enemy of the State140510
4: Pat­riot Games193417
5: Clear and Pre­sent Danger797326
6: Air Force One722314
7: The Sum of All Fears341513
8: A Queen's Ransom471416
9: Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit430613
10: Without Remorse039517
11: Jennifer's Body540X??
12: To Trap A Spy531817
13: The Spy with My Face433919
14: One Spy Too Many341614
Holiday Special: Die Hard514414
15: One of our Spies is Missing321511
KJB100: Dr. No, without notes487726
16: The Spy in the Green Hat371617
17: The Karate Killers551617
18: The Heli­copter Spies234312
18.75: The Raid0?27330+?
19: How to Steal the World13037

For S2E11 (Jennifer's Body) no score for misogyny could be settled on, so scoring was abandoned for that particular film. For S2E14 (One Spy Too Many) there was some discussion on the Smarm score; initially given 4, then downgraded to 3, but eventually counted as 4 for the total.

Awards for the Kron­steen Ro­set­te and the Good­night Cross

  1. Dr. No: Not a thing yet.
  2. From Russia With Love: Kronsteen! From what I heard not nominated yet, but made his appea­rance one. Maybe I missed the nomi­nation in the re-listen.
  3. Goldfinger: The first nomination, for "under­appreci­ated henchman and villain": Oddjob.
  4. Thunder­ball: Fiona Volpe was mentioned once, but no "official" nomi­nations.
  5. You Only Live Twice: Tiger Tanaka.
  6. On Her Majesty's Secret Service: No nomination?
  7. Diamonds are Forever: No nomination?
  8. Live and Let Die: No nomination?
  9. The Man With The Golden Gun: The Kronsteen Rosette, for a villain who went "above and beyond in the line of duty": the second karate guy that Bond fights, Chula. Lazar was also nominated for the Rosette, but didn't win. The Goodnight Award, "the ally version of the Kronsteen Rosette", goes to Mary Goodnight.
  10. The Spy Who Loved Me: Kronsteen Rosette goes to Naomi. Goodnight Cross almost went to General Gogol, but was given to "that young-ass lieutenant who im­medi­ately gets killed".
  11. Moonraker: Kronsteen Rosette almost went to "the pilot who is like: yeah, I'm just gonna fire one shot into the altimeter of this plane and jump out of it and everything that happens after that is your fault", but ended up going to "the coffin guy". The Goodnight Cross went to "the woman who can't read", Corinne Dufour.
  12. For Your Eyes Only: Kronsteen Rosette went to Apostis, who "instead of just getting some help, decided to absail down the side of a mountain and perso­nally kick Bond's clim­bing anchors out of the wall himself". The Good­night Cross went to Bunky, who got "fucking obli­terated at baccarat".
  13. Octopussy: The Kron­steen Rosette goes to Gobinda, because there are no other villains worthy of it. The Good­night Cross goes to Vijay.
  14. Never Say Never Again: No nomination.
  15. A View to a Kill: The Kronsteen Rosette went to "the guy at the mine who makes Bond wear a hardhat". The Goodnight Cross went to Tibbit.
  16. The Living Daylights: The Kronsteen Rosette went to Brad Whitaker's sergeant, who was so under­appreci­ated he wasn't even mentioned until this point. The Goodnight Cross went to the otherwise-anonymous MI6 agent-butler who was protecting the safehouse Koskov was in, Green 4.
  17. Licence to Kill: The Kronsteen Rosette went to the accountant, Truman-Lodge. The Good­night Cross went to Sharkey.
  18. GoldenEye: The Kronsteen Rosette went to Ourumov's driver. The Goodnight Cross went to Zukovsky's goon who replies sincerely to the question "do you know how long winters in Russia are?"
  19. Tomorrow Never Dies: The Kronsteen Rosette was given as a joint award this time: firstly, to "the guy who touches the elec­trified car for the third time", and secondly, to "the pilot who tries to kill the guy who's flying the jet he's in". The Goodnight Cross goes to Charles Robinson, "the guy on the radio in the first scene; MI6's first and only black employee".
  20. The World Is Not Enough: The Kronsteen Rosette went to "Cigar Girl". (It almost went to Mr Surname Mr Bullion). The Goodnight Cross went to "the colonel who runs the Kazakh­stani nuclear weapons dis­mantling facility".
  21. Die Another Day: The Kronsteen Rosette went to Mr Kill. The Goodnight Cross went to General Moon.
  22. The Rock (1996): The Kronsteen Rosette went to "Knife Guy". The Goodnight Cross went to "the hair­dresser".
  23. Casino Royale (1967): The Kronsteen Rosette, with bar, was given to Orson Welles. The Goodnight Cross was given to the agent who poisons Woody Allen and calls him gay ("James Bond 007 she/her"). The Kaufman Star makes its debut, awarded for "exploding a Bond movie" with an excep­tional per­for­mance; it was awarded to Orson Welles.
  24. Casino Royale (2006): The Kronsteen Rosette went to Valenka, Le Chiffre's girlfriend, for "being on board for torturing Vesper Lynd". The Goodnight Cross went to Mr Mendel. The Kaufman Star went to Eva Green's Vesper Lynd, because she made Alice horny and derailed the episode.
  25. Quantum of Solace: The Kronsteen Rosette went to Mitchell. The Goodnight Cross went to Straw­berry Fields.
  26. Skyfall: The Kronsteen Rosette was given to "the amazing tele­porting cunt", who's the only guy who was in any way in the running for an award in the first place. As for the Goodnight Cross, it was not awarded because the movie sucks. Alice wanted to award it to "the gender psychiatrist who asks Bond about jerking off", but this didn't actually happen in the movie – it was a bit made up, riffing on the tests Bond was given when rejoining MI6. No Kaufman Star was awarded, of course.
  27. Spectre: Kronsteen Rosette was considered for James Bond himself, but ultimately neither award was awarded.
  28. The Bourne Identity: no Kronsteen Rosette, no Goodnight Cross, but the Kaufman Star was awarded to Castel, for entering, fucking shit up, and leaving through the window.
  29. The Bourne Supremacy: no Kronsteen Rosette, no Goodnight Cross.
  30. No Time To Die: Kronsteen Rosette went to James Bond, for "going above and beyond for the cause of killing James Bond". (It almost was awarded to the guys mopping up a puddle throughout a gunfight.) The Goodnight Cross was awarded to Hugh Dennis, for his "sterling service on Mock the Week".
  31. The Bourne Ultimatum: The Goodnight Cross goes to Nikki. The Kaufman Star (actually the Kronsteen Rosette but they mistakenly said Kaufman Star) goes to the "will you commit to this program" man.
  32. The Bourne Legacy: No awards.
  33. Bourne 5: You Know His Name: It's Jason Bourne: No awards.
  34. Syriana: no nominations for any awards.
  35. Breach: no nominations.
  36. Enemy of the State: no nominations.
  37. Patriot Games: no nominations, but there was some talk of a future "Brian Cox Memorial Award" for a character that easily gives away the secrets.
  38. Clear and Present Danger: the Brian Cox Memorial Award for Intelligence was given to President Bennett, for revealing everything to Jack Ryan in the end.
  39. Air Force One: a new award: the Oldman Medal for Unrefuted Villainy, given to villains who "make good points that the film does not address, argue against or counter", given to I assume Gary Oldman's character. The Kronsteen Rosette is given to "the guy who took the strap". The Goodnight Cross goes to "get down mr pilot" guy. The Devon Ribbon for Sickest Shit (not real) goes to Harrison Ford for ordering an airstrike on his own position to win a fist fight. The Alice Avizandum Award for Contemplaing Milk goes to Mr President.
  40. The Sum of All Fears: Goodnight Cross to French Guy who's like "actually I don't think we should be in the plan any more".
  41. A Queen's Ransom: Brian Cox Memorial Award in Intelligence to Cambodian Queen's Chief Goon. Kronsteen Rosette to Chen Lung.
  42. Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit: no awards.
  43. Without Remorse: no awards.
  44. Jennifer's Body: no awards.
  45. To Trap A Spy: no awards.
  46. The Spy with My Face: no awards.
  47. One Spy Too Many: Brian Cox Memorial Award in Intelligence awarded to Robert Vaughn/Napoleon Solo. Goodnight/Kuryakin Cross awarded to Kuryakin.
  48. One of our Spies is Missing: Goodnight Cross, Oldman Medal, Kaufman Star awards were given out, but throughout the episode, and I lost track of them.
  49. Dr. No (again): Kronsteen Rosette post­humously and retro­actively awarded to "podcast-looking-ass guy, podcast mf, podfella" who's just looking for Bond. Goodnight Cross awarded to Quarrel. Brian Cox Memorial Award in Intelligence to Dr. No for identifying the secret criminal organization SPECTRE by name.
  50. The Spy in the Green Hat: Kronsteen Rosette awarded to Captain Line-read.
  51. The Karate Killers: Kronsteen Rosette awarded to the Karate Killer who jumps onto a moving car to attack the driver.
  52. The Helicopter Spies: no awards.
  53. The Raid: Redemption: Kaufman Star awarded to the sniper team who explore each other's bodies through synchronized breathing.
  54. How to Steal the World: no awards.

The early ones with "no nomination" might have a nomination somewhere else in the episode, but it wasn't at the end.

Other notes

Created 2021-08-27, edited 2023-02-09. Yes, I am aware of how pedantic and nerdy this whole page is. Index.