my "stuff i'm interested in but will probably never end up watching" playlist
mr burns a post electric play
summer wine
pink triangle
polikarpov po-2
sultans of swing
acceleration jerk– i don't think i was looking for the physics concept
orchestra without conductor
lukuhäiriöitä
jäänmurtaja tarmo
korean axe incident
alabama brawl
1000 ways to see a forest
eggheads
breaking banjo kazooie documentary
jared murray interrogation
why are we so obsessed with x
histoire du religion- trying to find a podcast or show based on just a quick mention and not its name
american finnish– trying to find an old seminar or conference video but the search page sucks now and i couldn't find it with this
to ulrike m– i was listening to the lions led by donkeys series on the red army faction and i heard a mention of highly experimental noise music metal clanging sounds with this name
ready steady cook
from an island summer 1984 charles atlas– this tab was opened on 28 february 2024
anthropology of a strange art
killdozer– ultimately basic, a fed up guy drove a bulldozer around and bulldozed buildings
тесла тонус енерджи дринк – weird off-brand russian energy drink sold in armenia mentioned on lions led by donkeys, couldn't find it thoughrosie and jim
chaz from morph
bill and ben– the above three childrens' show things were iirc mentioned on the masters of our domain podcast during whatever random tangent, that show is nothing but tangents
youth hostelling with chris eubank– a comedy sketch?
abba lyrics phonetically– i heard a story that since abba didn't know english way back when, they wrote their "english" lyrics out phonetically
cosmic secret- actually a wikipedia search, but whatever. one of the secrecy levels that supposedly exist above top secret, but actually just a theory by conspiracy nuts
last jew in afghanistan→ wikipedia article on Zablon Simintov
mcmafia
hemingway d-day account
ei päivää ettei vahinkoa
victoria scott jalopnik yugoslavia– this jalopnik article, "you're wrong about the yugo"
seq24– minimal midi sequencer
manka the sky gypsy
jan morris helsinki essay
travels through sweden lapland and finland
42 alpha– army human resource specialist, MOS 42A
ninety-nine shades of grey– search results are polluted by just fifty shades
canned heat
there's no such thing as prose
terrace chant
kaikukortti
through finland in carts 1897
flag of convenience
parisian river police
tacitus germania
pyritic ash
jonathan clements
cpnhgn
does what it says on the tin
vaya con dios
the emperor's naked army marches on
bataan death march reenactment
tuolitehdas piiroinen salo
left seat right seat– wiktionary search
industrial music electronics– a company
infinite questions
"this has been a study by harvard university"
muammar gaddafi anti aircraft missiles– his crazy antics mentioned on lions led by donkeys
seitakulttuuri
219 5013
geographiae studioso typographus
party music album cover
gathering of juggalos
xiaofenghong
hahnemühle paper
openmpt
ada & delia & laurie & daphne
popcorn reading
tic-80
intramedullary nail removal
jewish event empty chair
railway bull
jaakkokullan leffakerho
knowledge fight
jacob satterwhite music of objective romance en plein air
lydia benglis female sensibility 1974
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</html>Never believe that anti-Semites are completely unaware of the absurdity of their replies. They know that their remarks are frivolous, open to challenge. But they are amusing themselves, for it is their adversary who is obliged to use words responsibly, since he believes in words. The anti-Semites have the right to play. They even like to play with discourse for, by giving ridiculous reasons, they discredit the seriousness of their interlocutors. They delight in acting in bad faith, since they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert. If you press them too closely, they will abruptly fall silent, loftily indicating by some phrase that the time for argument is past.— Jean-Paul Sartre
Anonymous asked:Hi, Alice. I know this isn't really your usual sort of ask, but seeing you talk so lovingly to people just beginning to work out their gender feelings has made me feel sort of melancholy because I feel like I'm on the opposite side. I've been out for almost a decade, I'm coming up on seven years on T and I just kind of feel like I've lost the joy in being trans. I'm dealing with some health stuff, probably related to my hormone levels but as yet undetermined, which has basically eradicated my ability to have any sort of sex life (this is on top of other, much more long-term chronic illness). I might have to start taking estrogen as well which is terrifying the absolute shit out of me even though I know intellectually that taking a very low dose won't have any of the effects I'm afraid of.
I feel like a walking embodiment of the shit TERFs say about how taking hormones will ruin your life and fuck up your genitals. I'm utterly broken down by the relentless transphobia of this shitty fucking island. Sometimes I scare myself into thinking that I want to detransition, even though I know I wouldn't be happier as a woman, but god damn, when I think about that hot little 18 year old lipstick lesbian I was a decade ago it makes me want to cry. I don't know how to feel good about my body anymore. The days of feeling excited about playing with my gender expression feel like they happened a thousand years ago on Mars. The semblance of 'community' I had before COVID sort of disintegrated and I'm still mostly too riven with COVID anxiety to get it back. I'm very sorry for dropping this enormous shedload of feelings on you but I guess I just don't know how to take joy in being trans anymore.
I've been there - sometimes I am there. As a community, we're pretty good at getting people through the early years of transition, but after that you're supposed to just be good, which might be fine except that all the other parts of life keep going. Not only does transition not solve all your problems, but you keep getting new problems and they're all weird - my top left rib pops in and out of place a bit when I sit down now, it's great. We don't have a good set of ways for talking or thinking about aging, including for cis people. And on top of everything else, the world is getting harder and hotter and more bigoted and we survived a fucking pandemic. But: we survived a fucking pandemic. And we survived all the other things. We're tough, tougher than anyone gives us credit for, including us. Under the circumstances, we're doing pretty good. So that's the first thing: what you're feeling is normal.
Second part: is that feeling helpful or realistic? I don't think that it is. You can't know that you'll always be unhappy with your body, or that you'll never rebuild community. I don't believe that people can be ruined. Okay, you can't go back to being 18, and that's painful, but neither can cis people and they get upset about it too. And 18 year olds are really annoying, imagine being one.
All in all what I'm getting at is that stuff happens to us, like it does to everyone. We took an uncommon step to enforce the correct version of ourselves on the stuff, that's all. And you don't always have to be happy or picture-perfect about it, you don't always have to love it. But if that version of you is the right one, I suggest there is something there beyond joy. The joy can be beautiful, but time has given me the chance to understand my transness as a solemn, clear declaration of myself.
And that joy can and most likely will come back. Even if you have to find new things or think in new ways, inshallah we will all get our joyful moments. Despite everything.
be courageous when the mind deceives you be courageous
in the final account only this is important
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