Book cover: "Joseph Kassabian. The Hooligans of Kandahar. Not all war stories are heroic." On the cover are a drawing of a cracked army helmet, with some bullets held on the belt, and the ruins of a modern city, with destroyed multi-storey buildings and bent utility poles.


THE HOOLIGANS OF KANDAHAR


JOSEPH KASSABIAN


Copyright © 2017 by Joseph Kassabian

This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the author. The scanning, uploading, copying, reproduction and distribution of this book via the internet or by any other means without the permission of the author is illegal and punishable by law.

The Hooligans of Kandahar is a memoir based on true events. Names, and some events have been changed or altered to preserve individuals’ anonymity.

Sale of this book without a front cover is unauthorized.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS


A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

ONE

A GOODBYE OF SORTS

TWO

WELCOME TO KANDAHAR

THREE

THE DEALER DEATH MARCH

FOUR

CORN FIELDS, BOMBS, AND ROBBING THE ICE CREAM GUY

FIVE

THE WORST SOLDIER IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY

SIX

OPERATION GRIZZLY GANG-BANG

SEVEN

GONG’S FIRST PATIENT

EIGHT

OP COUCH

NINE

BOREDOM ON THE RESERVE

TEN

GRIZZLY BASE AND HOW I GOT DEMOTED

ELEVEN

CHAPSTICK 25 AND THE GREAT GOAT-NAPPING

TWELVE

THE NIGHT THE AFGHAN ARMY ALMOST KILLED US

THIRTEEN

NAN PLAYS CATCH

FOURTEEN

MAGGOTS

FIFTEEN

GUNNY AND THE GREAT AIR CONDITIONER HEIST

SIXTEEN

SPARTAN BASE AND THE DESCENT INTO MADNESS

SEVENTEEN

THE BATTLE FOR GRIZZLY BASE

EIGHTEEN

THE HOOLIGANS SAVE A LIFE

NINETEEN

KANDAHAR AIRFIELD, KUWAIT, AND FLORIDA

TWENTY

THE SUICIDAL PERSON’S GUIDE TO BOMB DISPOSAL

TWENTY-ONE

CALI AND THE MEMPHIS BLUES

TWENTY-TWO

FUEL BOMBS AND THE MYSTERY GRENADE

TWENTY-THREE

GRANDPA LEAVES, WINTER COMES

TWENTY-FOUR

BLOOD AND RAIN

TWENTY-FIVE

THE HOOLIGANS NEARLY GET KICKED OUT OF A HOSPITAL

TWENTY-SIX

THE HOOLIGANS WITHOUT SLIM

TWENTY-SEVEN

KEEPING YOUR COOL

TWENTY-EIGHT

SLIM THE DICTATOR

TWENTY-NINE

TAKING A BREATHER

THIRTY

SAYING GOODBYE TO CAMP SPARTAN

THIRTY-ONE

HUGO CHAVEZ THE PSYCHIATRIST

THIRTY-TWO

OPERATION GRIZZLY GANG BANG 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

THIRTY-THREE

LEAVING WALTON

THIRTY-FOUR

CLOSING THE BAR AT MANAS

THIRTY-FIVE

THE LONG WAY HOME

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

CONNECT WITH JOSEPH KASSABIAN

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ONE LAST THING…

This book is dedicated to the 2,326 US Military men and women who have been killed fighting for some long-lost ideal in the mountains of Afghanistan. It is dedicated to the 20,083 service members who have been wounded in action. It’s also dedicated to the untold thousands of veterans who have taken their own lives since the beginning of Operation Enduring Freedom.

Sometimes the only enemy we cannot overcome is within ourselves.